Monday, 28 March 2011

R ki shaadi hai! :D

Life around me is in such a crazy hurry!
Things around me are changing so fast.. and some changes I absolutely love...

R is getting married!! :)
The catalyst of change.. the man child is getting married!
When he told me there was this insanely stupid smile on my face that refused to leave my face for hours.. It feels like I have spent ages being friends with R and to see him so content and happy fills my heart with a childish happy warmth.. And ofcourse I looooooooooooooove WEDDINGS!

I have a fascination for weddings.. the stories behind the couple meeting and finally deciding to marry.. the look on their faces when they are getting engaged.. and I love the way the groom looks at his bride.. with all the love and pride in his eyes.. :)

Here's wishing R and S the most amazing life together ! :D.. love you both so much!

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

I am now used to being a second choice.
HAHA.. life.. I think you can do better than this.. try something new.. you are starting to become predictable with your tricks..

Tuesday, 15 March 2011

paying the price

it is a room with a star on the ceiling.. And a man sits there with my tiny hands clasped in his big soft firm hands..
But when he looks into my eyes, I realise that I do not deserve the warmth in his eyes..

I am wrong and I will pay the price..

Wednesday, 9 March 2011

Crush my wings

Crush my wings.
Lose the key.
Burn the maps.
I don't want to ever find you back.


For the majority part of my life I have been in love with the idea of being in love.
I have never tried to understand what it really means.

This past year I have tried to analyse the concept.. I have made a brilliant fool of myself. I have drunk dialed.. drunk messaged.. cried.. begged... been ridiculous..
All in the name of love.

And one day I realized (after being humiliated again for the 100th time) that love may be hard and needs effort, but hell this is not love.. I was not mistaken when I saw the most amazing feeling of warmth in his eyes.. He was not faking the grip when he held my hand with certainty.. But he is not lying either when he throws me out of his life every single time.

I know I am persistent. It is part of my personality to be such. I invade. Literally. I dig my way in especially when I am asked not to be there. May be it is an ego thing. No idea.

But my persistent efforts just made me look worst than ever. I wished to disappear. I felt 16 again :P

This past year has made me look at me and the entire idea of attachments in a different way.
I have always thanked every single man who has walked into my life. They have all taught me something. And even this one did. I will never know why we would always get stuck in the same cycle. But maybe I am not meant to know every single thing in life.

(so many maybes ) :P

Tuesday, 8 March 2011

Your perfume

Your perfume.
Mixed with the smell of what makes you.
I can smell it now.
As you walk past me like I am merely a shadow of my former self, I can smell it.

Your perfume.
Brings back memories of chilly nights.
Brings back memories of your long fingers trapped in mine.

Your perfume.
It would wrap itself around me when you took me in your arms.
And stay with me long after you weren't wrapped around me anymore.

Your perfume.
You walked in and walked out on me everyday.
But it stayed with me for a moment longer soothing me in my loneliness.


Your perfume.
It seems was a truer companion than you were.
It understood things you refused to see in the darkness.

Your perfume.
It is like oxygen to me.
My existence without it seems unlikely.

So walk past me again.
Walk through me if required.
I don't exist anymore.
I can't remember what I was.
I need your perfume to bring me back.

Monday, 7 March 2011

Weak and without faith

I know I want to call you. Hear your sweet drawling voice. I want to hear lines that just appear on your lips but sound like I was always meant to hear them..
Hear you sing... hear you breath..

But.
If I call. Every moment I will wish you were here. And every moment I will wish I was there. Every moment will be just a wish.. Nothing more and nothing less.

This is a trap.
A trap I am setting for you and me. And I am a coward. A fool.
Because I have no strength to fight for you.
I know this feeling. And more than that I know me. I know I will run. I will run even if I knew you would never let me down. I will still run because I don't want to find out if you will...

I am weak. And empty now. I used to be a believer once. But not anymore. Not today.
Today I am weak and today I should be alone.
For if I don't love me how can I let you love me?

I will run today. Run till I can't breath anymore.. Run with your voice in my heart. I will run till I have a reason to stop running. And if somehow I stop running and have faith again. I will turnaround and walk back. Walk back to the last moment of you and me. If you are around I will find you.

But who knows about tomorrow. Today I did what had to be done.
Today I said the clich├ęd lines - can we just be friends??